HUMILIATION

Well, here I sit after... 9 beers when, lately, 4 is f'ing me up. Something interesting, in a killing, vamipire, mother sort of way is happening on t.v. ... save the kids.. sounds like the mom is dying.

So, Ben and Bess's birthday party. I was worried earlier in the day (the way things have ben going between Beno and I) that it wasn't a good idea for Ben to drink-

I didnt pray before... did but didnt' cover all... a lesson, Im smelling. Was afraid of my son not being able to handle his alcohol... but it was me. I got SO ANGRY with Bryan's out of control son.. . wasn't even something that important. Just did. And I ended up falling and crashing into Pam's car. Knee. Elbow. Pride. Wonder who really seen it all. Jeffrey for sure, Adaline....

So, more on that later. Im getting pretty tired. Both kids are in my bed. Cleaned up a little. A lot. Something to think about later... just don't want to forget about my lesson. Humiliation is a hard one to take. Will I remember tomorrow? Just for me and God remember?

On a more lighter side... I did get some good pics. Woohoo... right? Church with Tim tomorrow..... I um... think not. 11:28pm after an exhausting busy day. Can't take anymore commitment. Really want a REAL man to help me out with that.. say yes honey, say no honey, stick to your guns honey- you are doing a lot. Pick and choose your battles (commitments) carefully. School is important to ME, dealing with past issues is not. I have confidence in myself that I will do what is necessary. I know my weaknesses. I know my faults. I know what I need to do here an now and what is best for me and mine. I am my own household with my Father God the head... after all... Im justawife (for Him, for now), a mother, an employee, a student, justagirl_in_az. Justagirl who can only do so much. I can bring on enough guilt of my own. I make enough mistakes on my own.

Night now....