back peddling...

Im getting cold feet.  I was thinking and praying this morning.  There are a couple of things and I can't call them 'red flags' because to me red flags would be.....  he is rude in public or rude to people, he drinks too much or drinks and drives, or his music is death metal and mine is not....  been there, it is no fun especially when they are in a bad mood!  Or that he looks at other women when he's with me...  blah blah blah...  but, some things...  the whole dog thing.  Fine, he loves his dog.  Fine that I don't get that, Im so not an animal person.  Not a red flag, but when I suggested that the kids could walk his dog....  he got very protective.  He doesnt want her running in the street.  ok....  like I let my kids run in the street????  #$%^ %$# %&*$???  - that was WTF by the way....  Weird with the dog!  Hmmmm.....  ok  so THEN, he has this thing, not really a thing, no red flags for me and not an 'addiction' that I can tell, but the whole p0rn thing.  Not that big of a deal, but something I would definately watch for seeing as how Jeff was with it.  I sure don't want to go thru that ever again.  But, I wonder, am I 'triggering' anything with that right now.  Hope not.  And I dont' think he has any additive personality and that to me is a factor.  But, I have had problems with that in the past- still no biggie, he is not Jeff.

His credit is Bad, real bad like worse than mine ever was.  Now I can't judge that but he made a comment that he owes so much (presumably from a marriage from a little statement that he made) that they will never get paid.  So much for a 'help mate' to get me outta this neighborhood.  I mean not that I want some rich man to sweep me off my feet, marry me in Fiji, buy me a car for Christmas, give me a beautiful ring.....  no, I just want someone who is capable of helpin 'us' get a house together in a better neighborhood.  I have been working hard on my credit for 5 years now.  So that I can find someone with decent credit.  And its not that he's bad with his money if he can buy a truck for 2K.  I mean that takes savings.  But, his credit will NEVER be good, EVER.

AND here it a biggie for me.  I just learned of this last night, which is one of the things I was talking about this morning to God.  I mean you can get to know someone with out really getting to 'know' them.  I mean I know how many siblings he's had, whats under his bed, the kinds of food he likes- although I did find it wierd that it wasn't uno por uno.  He never asked about the foods that I like, if I ever cheated or asked me any of the questions that Ive asked him.  Just a little weird thats all.  So, it is with time that you get to know someone...  like Ive wondered what he is like at work.  I mean Jeannie and I know what 'our guys' are like and whether we would consider them datable, you know.  I just wondered if he was an asshole or what ever.  So he's telling me last night that one of the girls is lazy and everyone gets pissed at her. He, like everyone else, complained a little about her, BUT he took it farther and complained until he got in trouble for complaining.  Ewwww.....  Back the Fuck off dude.  Is that a whiner???  Ewwww......  That I don't like at all.  That is yucky.  That makes me want to run fast the other way.....  so, Im thinking....  this begins the back peddling.  I will stay home alone, with the kids tonight.  I will ride with him hiking tomorrow like we planned.  Not see him on Sunday because I have plans anyway  (well after church anyway).  And then next week begings the real...  back peddling. 

I wasnt to worried because he is supposed to get a job out of state, but hell he's been looking out of state for a year now with no luck.  It might be his interview skills.  Maybe that whining is coming out over the phone.  And he was going to make snyde comments when Ben was acting up with Aaron the other night.  OH NO, THAT IS SO NOT GOOD.  Not good at all.  He's never seen Ben and I lose it on each other and that would have so provoked it.

Well, gotta run.  Adi is getting another award at school today and we have to be on time.  She doesn't know.....