Changing

May 7th 09- a Thursday. My brother's birthday is tomorrow.

Im not sure how this will work out for me...

When I usually sign on to blog I just edit my previous ones. I am still learing to use this site after all these months.

I am not on here as often as I want to be. I was going to "paper" journal a bit ago, but I like it on the computer so much more. I don't have my "dirty laundry" lying around. On here- no one is following my blog, which is good for me, but if they did... they don't know me and I really don't think my life is so interesting that one would take to following it.

I finished the financial class. God only know what I actually got out of it. I think I don't need a "debt free" class as much as I need a "budgeting" class.

Maybe I should look at it as a "Weight Watchers" for my wallet. If you spend this minor amount, it is not much, but if you spend this and this and this it adds up to..... put myself on a spending "points system" so to say.

So, with that class done, they asked if I wanted to lead a class next time. I said yes, but that may have been in haste. The next sessions will start up in the fall, the same as college.

I have not been to college in quite a long time and I don't expect to be able to jump right in and get my homework done and set aside proper time and all that. I think the first semester is really going to suck!! I only have very few classes left and I AM GOING TO DO THIS! I have to. I have to finish for ME!!

So, as much as I want, I think come this fall I am going to have to say no, at least for the first semester of college and see how I do.

Not next week, but the week after I am going to start a small group with some of the women in the singles group. I am excited! Finally a Beth Moore Bible study! I have had the book for years now- literally, like 5 or 7 or more!

There is another sketching class coming up. I really want to do it this time!! Really, really!! I have blown it off twice now because of finances. It is only $55, but now I am waiting to make sure that I come up with the house payment and all that first. But that third week of this month!!

I don't want to bog myself down too much and I don't think that I will be. The B.M study is on Monday nights, but every other Monday. That is good for me! The sketching class is Tuesday nights, but for only 10 weeks (I say only).

BUT- school is ending and Aaron will have the kids a lot more (I think) and I won't have to worry about their school schedule and evening schedule as strictly as I have to monitor everything right now.

I can have them on Wed, Thurs every other Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon and Tues. Given that they are not totally home alone watching t.v. 24/7, but whos to say that they won't be doing that at their dads, you know.

I like Carol, but it might benefit her to take some parenting classes!

I can't believe the temp is already in the 100's!! My pocketbook is not ready for this yet!!

My room was so hot last night I had to sleep on the couch! That old window airconditioner scares me a bit. My electrical box is not powerful enough for it. When it clicks on and off the lights flicker a bit. REALLY don't like that! My whole room is an add-on and they didn't upgrade the box. I really have to get that done so that my stove will work properly too!!

Get that done BEFORE my laptop!

Paula was asking me about moving in. I am going to have to call her this morning. I told her if there was an emergency of course I wouldn't let her live on the streets, but she needs to keep her apt until she know what is going on.

I can't live with her. I love her I do, but she is a bossy, lazy, slob! My fear is that I would never get her out of here! It lasted a month at the house fire house before I was ready to kill her and Aaron was ready to kill me.

I just don't live well with others.

I was going to get her furniture, but I KNEW there was a catch!! There is always a catch with her!

"Do you want my furniture? It will save me from storage", or whatever it was. She is one that would come over and sleep on it and say something like "hey this is mine so this must be my room and I can live on it".

She loves to live in the living room. She drives my kids crazy with her demands of get me this and get me that. I don't even know if she realizes how she is. She says things like "I do dishes", but Ive seen her apt. Now granted, yes, it was years ago, but I also grew up with her. She might (and this is iffy for me no matter what she says) have the dishes done, but her garbage would be over flowing and there would be another bag next to it and she would have two days worth of fst food sitting of the coffee table in the LIVING ROOM!!! This to me IS NOT CLEAN.

We are just different. I am going to have to call her today!!

Did you know that the top of my frige is clean? And it has been for months? This is a wonder to me. I LOVE IT!! Everyone used to use it as a storage for.... I don't know where this goes. I dont' know who this belongs too. I have to get this away from the smaller ones. I have to save this for later.

It was a catch all!!! Is there hope for me afterall??? What might be next??? The laundry room??? Naaa. The back porch?? possibly, the carport?? could be.

My carport and back porch would be wonderfully clean now- and for the past year with no man to put things on it with the exception that now a ton of my mother's stuff is on both of them.

IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

I am just now getting the middle bedroom cleared out enough with my mothers stuff to try and get Adi in there!! Maybe by the end of May. At first it was a "March goal", but just too overwhelming from having to move it all out of storage in the first place and trying to (still) get rid of most of it. I still haven't sold her car yet!!

I need to get it over here and just do it myself! This weekend! That will be a goal. Work hard on Adi's room and get the car over here.

Michaels birthday is tomorrow. Garrett is having a "thing" for him. Which is good because I won't forget. But, I don't want to drink because of the church thing tomorrow at the (ar bor e tum) arboretum. I sure #1 want to make it. #2 do not want to feel bad because of alcohol #3 don't want to be too tired on Saturday that I come home from the "ar bor e tum" (Im sounding it out as I spell it). and be lazy. I have things to do!!

I wanted to bring my mother to this thing. I think she would so enjoy the outing!! But, I can't. Ummm.... I won't. Her last outing she smelled so bad of urine that it was down right embarrassing!! Usually the kids LOVE (o.k. LOVE is a strong word. Like, they like and none of that shoudl be capitalized) to get her and push her around. But, Adi refuses to go anymore because of it.

AND I would say.... Hey clean her up we're coming. OR they don't take very good care of her.

EXCEPT for the fact of how she was before. We would go over there for our (miserable- most of the time) Thursday family dinners and she would be soaking wet from urine. You couldn't tell her about it because she would SNAP! at you hatefully. "SHUT UP!" Because if...... you didn't say anything no one would notice that her ass was wet and half way down her leg like.... oops I spilled beer on myself and Im getting up to change???? And that wasn't even the case..... she WOULDN'T change at all. No one was supposed to notice that she was wet and smelled of pee.

So, it makes me cry at times. I want to take her places. I want to do things with her that I think she would enjoy. But, I can't. I won't.

Could you imagine I pick her up and say she is dry and I get her in the car and we pick up some people from church (car pooling or even not have anyone ride with us) and she poops on herself (yes that has happened before at someones house and she had to get a ride home from someone and she tried to pretend that nothing was wrong). NO THANK YOU!!!

Chances are good that she wouldn't be dry and "smell free"- so here I sit wishing that I could do more things with my mother, but she has completely mortified me and humiliated me all of my life. I just can't chance it.

It is now 6:36. I played around too much on the internet! I checked and responded to one email address. I went on 43 Things and commented on a comment and cheered maybe one person and then journaled and all that took me a whole friggin hour!!!

Just not enough time! Not enough time I tell you!! I still have tons on my mind. I just wrote down all the superficial stuff- not the deep thoughts that I have!!!

Time to wake my lovies!